When your child isn’t invited to a party, it can be equally upsetting for the parent as it is the child. How it works is when kids are younger, and preschool and kindergarten, is all of the kids in the class are invited to a birthday party or an event.
Parents can’t afford to invite everyone to a party
As kids start to get older parents put a cap on it, they might say to their child, you know what, you can invite six kids this year, or you’re eight years old, you can invite eight kids to the party, because it starts to get more expensive if kids are going to adventure parks, and they have to pay for all the children to do an activity.
We all know that kids’ relationships can shift quickly, and the birthday child is going to invite their closest friends that week.
There’s also the law of reciprocity. And what that means if you do something for someone, they’re going to want to do something for you. If you invited several children to your child’s birthday party, there’s a pretty good chance that they’re going to be invited back when the other child celebrates a birthday.
Your child will feel left out when they are not invited
When kids aren’t included, sure, it hurts, but don’t make it a bigger deal than it is because you’re just making it worse for your child. And kids are learning about navigating social rules from you. You’re their model on how to navigate friendships.
Comfort your child and explain you’ve been there, you know, you’ve not been invited, when friends have gone out or, you know, things have happened in the past. And, you know, you felt sad that you got over it, and it will all be fine.
Explain that sometimes it’s also hard for the child having a birthday because they might have that limit of children that they are allowed to invite, and they have to pick between two good friends. And they probably feel bad about not being able to invite certain friends to their party.
Moms get upset when their child isn’t invited
I’d advise against reaching out to the other parent to inquire why your child wasn’t invited. It’s just going to be embarrassing for your kid, and they have to navigate these friendships at school. And you’re going to make it a little bit more complicated for them if you’re reaching out to the other parent.
It’s up to us to teach our children how to navigate social situations with their peers. A friend of mine Winnie was upset because her daughter wasn’t invited to a birthday party. The other mother who hosted the party said to Winnie, “We were so sorry not to see Amelia show up yesterday.” And Winnie said, “Oh, she didn’t get an invitation.”
The other mother almost started crying. She felt so bad that this one child out of the whole class had been excluded, because it actually happened to her son and she swore that she would never do that to any other child.
The other mother was so upset, she invited Amelia to a special playdate with her son, just the two of them. You never know what’s really going on. And the person may have a good reason.
Not being invited will teach your child resilience
Your kids are building life skills and at 23, they’re going to be turned down for a job, and at 24 they won’t be invited out with a friend group. And they’re building that muscle that when it happens in the future, they’re going to be able to handle it with ease.
Even though it does hurt that your child wasn’t invited, it’s a great opportunity to build up some resilience. Leave a comment below of your child’s experience not being invited to a party, and they’ve been the only one left out or excluded
More posts you might like
- When your child is excluded: tips for parents
- My Child Eats Lunch Alone at School: Strategies for Helping Them Make Friends
- When a child says, “I don’t like you!”
- Why parents need to be an advocate for their bullied child
