The other day somebody asked me what I wish I’d known going through a bullying situation. And I thought that’s a really good question. So here are a couple of the things that I wish I had known.
Parents didn’t know that they had to be an advocate for their children in a bullying situation
You have to be an advocate for your kid, nobody’s gonna care as you do. Parents have to figure out what has been going on and go to the school with the problem.
It’s very unlikely the school is just going to figure it out and sort this out for your child because you have to remember, a teacher has 30 Kids and is already overworked.
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Teachers may not know about the bullying
Some schools are better than others at dealing with bullying. This is a situation where the squeaky wheel gets the grease. If you’re uncomfortable being demanding or putting requests into the school, this is the time when you have to put that aside and stand up and demand that the school help with this situation and do right by your child.
Parents need to ask the school to help with bullying
Writing letters to the school and you know, saying This needs to stop, and writing to the principal is not something I would have felt comfortable doing had this situation not occurred.
Schools are looking out for the school. And you know, sorting out bullying situations is not the first thing on their mind. They’re not just going to go Oh, yes, this happened, they’re going to check with all the children and see if what you’re saying is true. It’s not just a Done and done thing, it’s something you have to work with the school to prove your case.
Another thing that really surprised me is the difficulty in stopping it after reporting it. We reported it to the school and the bystanders stopped, but the bully continued with his wingman, and he just sort of thought he was above reproach at the school, he had a lot of nerve and thought he could do whatever he wanted.
I didn’t know the bully wouldn’t stop
I found that really shocking for a grade-five child. We had to take it into our own hands and teach our child skills that really got it to stop, it just wasn’t the school, it was like our child learning verbal self-defense, I would have thought that the school would have had more control over the situation.
The other thing I didn’t realize until this is how vital self confidence plays in your child’s life. You know, when someone’s trying to take you down, it really takes a toll on your confidence. At that time, I just really realized that I needed to step it up and do something. I hadn’t realized that before.
Parents need to build their kid’s confidence and self image
Actually, I continued it after the bullying and built both my kids self image and confidence up to an unbelievable level. I really encourage you to do that if you’re going through a bullying situation, and there are ways you can do it quickly.
I was on a call the other day and the dad was telling me he felt really isolated because parents had zero appetite to discuss what was happening to his daughter. He would tell the other parents in the school and they didn’t want to know about it. They didn’t want to be tainted by it. This is almost like they could be contaminated.
If your child has an illness, people are coming over with dishes and doing fundraisers. There can be a social stigma with bullying and it is just such an isolating experience. Also, some of the parents that may have been your close friends, their child can be the bully so that can be really hard to deal with and put a wedge in a friendship.
Parents need to talk to professionals to get help with bullying
I recommend talking to a professional when your child is being bullied or picked on. It will help you work through it and give you a place to vent that’s safe and they’re not going to share what you say with anyone. I recommend Better Help.
What I wish I’d known going through a bullying situation is how much of an advocate you have to be for your child, how some schools are better than others, how you need to be a squeaky wheel because you need to be heard with the school to get it to stop.
One thing I found the most shocking is I think is just the nerve of some of the kids doing the bullying and how difficult it could be. Your child’s confidence and self-image are one of the most important things and pay attention to that. The last thing is how isolating it is but with help we can all get through it. Those are the things I wish I had known.
More posts you might like
- What nobody ever tells parents about bullying
- 7 Ways to boost your child’s confidence quickly
- Why parents need to be an advocate for their bullied child