One of the biggest gifts parents can give their children is to boost their self confidence. When kids believe in themselves they show up in a different way with self assurance, and they aren’t seeking the approval of others. We can build up a kid’s confidence by helping them master a few basic skills.
When a child is being picked on, it is common for them to doubt themselves. Here are seven ways that parents can help by building their child’s self confidence back up quickly.
1. Verbal self defense builds confidence in kids
One of the fastest ways to boost your child’s confidence is to teach them verbal self defense. If they’re teased on the playground they will know how to respond with a clever reply without making a big deal. Clever comebacks delivered in the right way usually gets the teasing to stop. This skill can boost a child’s confidence really quickly, to know that they can just stand up for themselves with their peers without getting angry, upset, or aggressive.
The really good thing about verbal self defense is that it’s one of the easiest things to implement, because it only takes about an hour and a half to learn. It’s a really good return on time teaching this to your child, and it’s a skill that lasts a lifetime. There are many adults who have no clue how to stand up for themselves, so teaching this to your child at a young age is an incredible gift.
2. Confident kids have a strong self image
To boost our child’s confidence we want to help them build a strong self image, which is what they believe about themselves. Maxwell Maltz wrote a book called Psycho Cybernetics, which talks about how people can only rise up to the level of their self image.
To build a strong self image, we want to empower our kids by catching them doing something right. Twice a day, look for something well that your child has done well, and comment on it and point it out andt do this consistently over time. We don’t want to give any false compliments. But I’m sure your child does several things well, every day.
For parents, we can simply put this on our to-do list until it becomes a natural habit. And it’s something that we do twice a day that can have a huge impact.
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3. Learning how to make decisions builds confidence
We can also empower our kids to make decisions. To teach decision making we can give children options by asking, “Do you want A or B?” At the hairdresser’s ask, “ Do you want to get this cut or this cut.” No only does decision making build confidence, it also gives kids a feeling of being in control.
Have you ever met an adult who doesn’t know how to make a decision to save their life? It can be off putting on a date, and a lack of decision making skills can have a more devastating effect on your child’s career or business.
4. Teach your child how to problem solve
We can also empower our kids with problem solving skills. And this is another easy thing to implement. So when something goes wrong, ask your child, “How are we going to sort this out? What can we do to fix this?”
Let’s say you drop a dish in the kitchen, which will happen, “How we’re going to fix this, and how we’re going to clean this up safely?” Being able to solve problems sets your child up to be a self starter, predisposed to taking action and finding solutions.
It also teaches your kids that you value their opinion, which also boosts their self esteem.
5. Doing well at school build’s extreme confidence
The best thing I ever did for my kids’ confidence was giving them a homework program. I actually got the idea from Ben Carson’s mother. Ben Carson is a retired surgeon and political leader. When he was a child, his single parent family lived in a bad neighborhood.
Mrs. Carson wanted her kids to do well, and got the idea that they would go to the library every week, and they would write a book report. So she had her boys write a book report for years. And she would review what they had written.
What is absolutely astonishing about this is that Mrs. Carson could not read and her kids had no idea! She developed this amazing work ethic and habits for her kids. Ben’s mother taught her kids discipline, work habits, and both her boys did well in school, which creates a very strong self belief. And Ben went on to have an exemplary career as a surgeon, political leader, and it started with simple discipline at home with his mother.
My homework system built confidence in my kids
I created a homework system that would work for my kids. Both of my boys used this homework system all the way up to grade seven. And it was a non negotiable in our house.
Honestly, I was astounded by the long term results
By the time my son was 18, he had graduated a year and a half early from high school, taught himself six languages fluently, and taught himself how to play piano watching YouTube. When he went to a piano teacher, he was able to skip three levels.
My son was actually diagnosed with a learning disability, and It was during the time that he was being bullied and it was a very stressful time for our family. My husband and I discussed it, and we decided not to tell him about the learning disability. I just said, “Writing is much harder for you than it is for other people, but you just have to keep going and trying and you will get better. And when the special education teacher found out that we hadn’t told him about the disability, she was just shocked!
Our son made tremendous progress, and it was incredible how much he accomplished within a short period of time, even with his disability. Just working on several subjects on a daily basis. My youngest son did the homework system all the way till grade seven as well. And he’s 15 now and he just had two straight A report cards.
6. Mastery of basic tasks builds confidence
Boost your child confidence quickly by teaching them to cook and do other chores.
My youngest son has a job and cooks for up to 400 people at a time. It’s quite high pressure, and he has done really well in his job. And he often cooks for friends. He will go to a friend’s house and cook for six people. And the other day, he cooked some burgers for a group, and one of the friends just said to him, “Oh, my gosh, this is like the best burger that I have ever had.”
And it is just built so much confidence in the kids doing things well. And it compounds the self belief in themselves. And you might say to me, Oh, your children are super intelligent, and they are intelligent. But what really made the difference is the mastery of doing things well doing them over and over again, and showing up and doing well in class and their belief that they’re smart, and it just compounded and compounded and compounded.
7. Give your kid the gift of physical confidence
I would also recommend signing up for martial arts. Parents have reported within two or three months classes, kids are no longer being picked on. When you know how to defend yourself physically, it gives you incredible confidence. With martial arts training, smaller doesn’t have to mean weaker, you can use leverage and speed in self defense.
We want our kids to show up strongly in academics, in sports, and physically just how they carry themselves and how they deal with social interactions. And all these things will compound to have an amazing result for your child.
Children often believe what we believe about them so showing your child that you believe in them that you know they can accomplish things will have amazing results over time and you will have your child showing up with confidence in no time.
By doing several things to build up your child’s confidence has tremendous effects over time.
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