When your child’s teased or picked on at school, as a parent, truthfully it is stressful, it can be really hard to think about anything else.
It could be a shock, it may be one of your child’s close friends that is the leader of the bullying. Anais was telling me that she kept replaying in her mind her daughter being picked on by mean girls in grade six.
Anais made the situation worse stressing herself out about the bullying
And Anais would get upset and explode in anger in front of her daughter about these mean girls. And she was just making the situation worse and worse. And she had to get control of her thinking, and stop staying in a negative loop. And when she was doing this, her daughter told her that she didn’t feel safe at school or at home with her mom freaking out about anything that she told her about the situation.
She was replaying it in your mind and imagining that things were worse than they actually were. And she was making the situation worse for herself and for her daughter.
And it’s scary if your child’s being picked on and you may have a lot of anxiety around it. It may even remind you of being picked on yourself when you were at school. And all of us have those feelings.
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Ruminating on the bullying increases your stress
Some of us get upset. And we are ruminating on the same thought. And we keep thinking about it over and over again. And it’s like a dog chasing its tail in a negative thought loop.
With bullying, a lot of parents go through this and they ruminate about their child being picked on. And we want to give our kids emotional support when they’re going through something terrible, not make it worse for them.
And part of this is controlling our own thinking. And in every moment, we have a choice about what we think about. Don’t replay it over and over again and make the situation worse for yourself. catch yourself thinking that thought and say enough and move on to a new thought.
Also be kind to yourself when your child’s being picked on. It’s stressful for your child. But it’s also stressful for you, because as a parent, you need to hold it together and support them and support everyone.
And we all know as parents, often it feels like we’re running a marathon every day, we have a million things to remember, a lot of us work outside the home. We just keep everything running. So you have a lot on your plate too. And this is just another thing.
Talking to a professional can reduce your stress levels about the bullying
And sometimes it’s just really helpful to talk to somebody to process their thoughts. And I would recommend BetterHelp because you can talk to them from the comfort of your home and call them from your living room to talk about what’s going on and it won’t be passed on, it’s completely confidential. And if you would like 10% off, you can use my link to get the discount on your first session.
But I will say that is an affiliate link, but it’s at no extra cost to you. And I only recommend products that I think are extremely helpful and that I use myself. But it is really helpful to talk to somebody about it because a friend may not understand what you’re going through, or they may not understand the level of anger that you have towards the bully, especially if they haven’t gone through it. How would they know?
Question your thoughts about the stressful bullying situation
We also need to manage and question our own thoughts because a lot of our thoughts aren’t even true. Brooke Castillo is the founder of The Life Coach School, and she has a process that she calls the model.
And I personally use the model when I’m having a serious problem. And I’m trying to figure it out, and I can’t process it. And it helps me evaluate the situation with clarity. And I think it’s something that you might find helpful as well. This process is good when you’re dealing with an emotionally charged situation like your children, and Brooke has a PDF that you can download that will walk you through the exercise.
I will include the link below and there’s a series of questions that help you evaluate the situation and the PDF will walk you through every single step. And it’s really helpful to get all your thoughts on paper and out of your brain in a situation like this.
That will help you make sense of the situation and it’s just another helpful tool that you can use.
Creating an action list will reduce your stress about the bullying
And another thing that you can do is write a list of how you can take action to help your child resolve the situation if they’re being picked on. One thing that you can do is you can meet with the school and report the bullying and tell them what’s going on.
Number two bully proof your child because schools are not going to do it for you. And there’s many things and skills that you can help your child work on. So they have a better experience daily at school.
Schools don’t bully proof. So it’s up to us as parents to give our child the skills to deal with these kids, some who are overly assertive, and we can help our child navigate these situations. So bully proofing can help your child show up in a new way with a new confidence to deal with some of these kids who can be mean.
Should you homeschool or change schools?
And the third thing that parents can do is think if they want to change schools, or they want to homeschool because you do have options.
When we feel like we don’t have options, we feel overwhelmed, and we feel depressed. But there’s many steps that you can take to make this a better situation for yourself and for your child.
So next time you catch yourself in a negative thought loop, see a stop sign in your mind and say no more and change course. And either write down your thoughts with the model book counseling session, or think of a plan of action that can make your child’s experience so much better.
And I want to give you credit because you’re the parent who loves their child and is trying to make their life better every day. And if you’re having trouble dealing with a negative thought loop, leave a comment below and let us know what you think is the best solution when processing thoughts about a difficult situation.
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