There are many things that parents teach their kids that can lead a child to be targeted by bullies. And obviously, parents aren’t doing this intentionally, most parents have the best intentions. But as parents, it’s up to us to guide and help our children. And if we do these things, we’re not setting our kids up for success.
Bully proofing mistake #1 – Not correcting behavior
So the first thing that parents do is they don’t correct behavior. So if your child has a major behavior, that’s obvious, and you’re not working on it, and you’re not trying to correct it, that could lead to your child being excluded by their peers. And that could be not regulating their emotions, having a tantrum when they don’t get their way, or getting whiny when they don’t get their way and pouting.
And some, you know, people will have that kind of rah, rah, speak, we’re all friends, we all get along. But the truth is, when you know, parents aren’t around, kids get annoyed with other kids, if they have behavior that is in mature for their age, that isn’t the same as their peers.
So a gentle correction from you, would be incredibly helpful and could solve the problem. Believe me, your child would rather hear it from you than feel awkward and embarrassed and remember a kid cringy moment for the rest of their life when someone points out their awkward behavior in front of their peers. As parents, we can really help, we can correct things at home in private.
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Bully proofing mistake #2 – Not allowing your child to have a voice
The second mistake I see parents make is they don’t give their child a voice. And they tell their kid be the bigger person. And basically, they’re putting an X on their child’s back to be picked on.
And I always feel very sad when I see this because I know with like a few simple tweaks an hour and a half of training, their child could learn the skills to shut down the teasing, and it will stop in 90% of the situations. And parents don’t do that. They think you know, they’re helping their kid, it’s their values. It’s what their parents taught them.
But the sad thing is, in most cases, it doesn’t work, and your child is just going get picked on more and more. And it’s painful to see because they’re always the nicest, sweetest kids. And in some cultures, you know, people don’t talk back, it’s a cultural thing, as well. But we want to give our kids the skills to be able to stand up for themselves when they’re in unsafe situations and say, That’s not acceptable, you know, to treat me like that or talk to me like that. And the best way to do that in the school yard is to use a clever comeback.
Parents will also say go to the go to the teacher. But you know, your child still needs to learn the skills. And in severe situations, you should tell the teacher, but if it’s mild teasing, which every kid is going to experience than you need to give your child the skills to deal with it.
Bully proofing mistake #3 – Not helping your child build relationships
Bully proofing mistake #3 – Not Building Relationships
The third mistake that I see parents make is not building relationships with other families of school. And this can lead to your child being excluded. And it’s been proven if your child has one good friend at the school, they’re much less likely to be targeted by a bully, or single doubt.
So even if you don’t like parents at the school, they don’t like your child’s best friend. At school. Kids have an ebb and flow to them and some children get they can be a little annoying, but if that’s who your child likes, and that’s going to make them more comfortable at school.
It’s worth putting in the effort to build a couple of relationships and if your child has a mild interest with another child, put some effort into arranging a playdate. Sometimes parents live very far from the school and they get into the habit of seeing their social group on the weekend. But think about if you need a friend outside of work how quickly you bond compared to in the office. It is worth putting the effort to your child can hang out with friends outside of the classroom and build some deeper friendships.
More posts you might like
- What nobody ever tells parents about bullying
- 7 Ways to boost your child’s confidence quickly
- Why parents need to be an advocate for their bullied child