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What to Say When Your Child is Being Excluded at School: Tips and Advice

your child excluded at school

Understanding Exclusion

The feeling of exclusion can profoundly impact a child’s self-esteem and overall well-being. As parents, witnessing your children go through such experiences can be equally distressing. It is crucial to address this issue and find ways to support your children during these challenging times.

What is Exclusion?

Exclusion at school is when a child feels left out and alone because their classmates purposely ignore them.  This type of social rejection can come in different ways, like not getting invited to play games or being left out during group activities. Exclusion can sometimes turn into bullying and can become a hurtful experience.

Signs Your Child is Being Excluded

As a parent, it’s important to stay alert and keep an eye out for any signs that your child might be feeling excluded at school. Here are a few common indicators:

  • Your child may stop doing sports, clubs, or things outside of school that they used to enjoy.
  • They might lose close friends or be left out of events with the group.
  • Your child doesn’t want to go to class, is having trouble getting along with others, or is doing worse in school.
  • If your child suddenly doesn’t want to go to school or is reluctant to do so.

If you happen to notice any of these signs, it is extremely important to handle the matter with care. Make sure to offer the required assistance to guide your child through the difficulties of feeling excluded.


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Communicating with Your Child

Talking to your child is the key to understanding how they feel when they’re excluded. When your child feels left out at school, it’s important to talk about it in a caring and understanding way. Here’s a simple and engaging way to get it done:

communicating with your child

When you talk to your child about important things, pick a time when both you and your child are calm and at ease. Let them know that you are there for them and that you understand what they are going through, whether it’s a win or a loss. You give your kids a safe place to talk about their feelings when you listen to their stories without judging them.

Let them know you understand they are going through a difficult moment. Avoid accusing or humiliating and instead concentrate on listening. Ask open-ended inquiries instead of yes/no questions to enable your child to communicate more about their feelings and experiences.

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10 things to say to your child when they are being excluded at school

1. I will always be here for you, and I love to the moon and back no matter what.

2. You will never be alone, we will help you work through this together.

3. I am proud of how you are handling this situation. You deserve to be treated respectfully.

4. It is normal to be upset when people are unkind towards you.

5. Being excluded happens to most kids at some point in time at school. You aren’t the only person this will happen to but I know that it still hurts.

6. You can share how you are feeling. We are here to listen and support you.

7. When I was in school I had a kid who was mean to me. (Share your story.)

8. I believe in you. I want you to know I love you just the way you are.

9. I am here to support you through this. Feel free to talk and vent if you need to.

10. You are a wonderful and kind person. Not everyone may see your great qualities but everyone in your family does.

Active Listening Techniques

When your child is going through a difficult scenario like being excluded from activities in school, you need to have the skill of active listening. These listening strategies will assist you in providing the necessary support that your child requires:

You must give them your complete and undivided attention. This requires putting aside any potential distractions and concentrating one hundred percent on what your child is saying.

Repeat what your child says to show that you heard them and that you understand. You can say, “So, if I’m understanding you correctly, you feel like you’re excluded in games at recess?”

After your child tells you how they feel, ask them if they want to look for ways to make things better. This way of working together lets your child oversee the situation. Offer “Is there anything you’d like to try to make things better?”

Make sure your child understands that their feelings are real and normal. Let your child know that you love them and will always be there for them. You can tell them, “I love you, and we’ll work through this together” to make them feel secure.

Taking the time to truly listen to your kids can make a world of difference, especially during challenging times. Active listening not only helps your children feel valued and supported, but it also strengthens your bond with them.

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Working with the School

To help your child avoid feeling excluded, it’s important to reach out to their school. Working together with the school personnel can make a big difference Here are some important things to keep in mind as you navigate with this:

When to Involve School Authorities

If your child is feeling left out, it’s important to let the school know right away.  You can start by having a conversation with your child’s teacher, the school counselor, or the principal. Make sure to give specific examples of how your child is being excluded and ask for their assistance in fixing the problem.

Remember that the school authorities have the responsibility of making sure every student feels safe and included at school. When you team up with the school, you can make a great learning environment for your child.


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Building a Relationship with Teachers

To support your child when they feel excluded, it’s important to develop a strong bond with their teachers. By doing this, you can make sure your child’s needs are taken care of and the school knows about any problems they might have.

Check out these tips to have a great relationship with your child’s teachers:

  • Participate in parent-teacher conferences and other educational activities.
  • Talk to your child’s teacher frequently, either in person, via email, or through a communication book.
  • When discussing your child’s wants and worries, act with respect and an open mind.
  • Offer to assist with classroom activities or school-related events.
  • Be sure to thank the teacher for all that they do for your child’s education.

You will be able to contribute to the development of a positive and encouraging learning environment for your child if you work alongside the school in which they are enrolled.

Helping Your Child Cope

It is essential to provide your child with coping techniques and emotional support to assist them in navigating the obstacles associated with being excluded in school.

Building Self-Esteem

Don’t forget to let your child know how special and loved they are! Here are some uplifting phrases to boost their confidence:

building self-esteem
  • You’re an awesome kid and I’m proud of you!
  • You’re incredibly talented and have so many amazing strengths!
  • You’re such a great friend to everyone!

Help your child see their greatness by reminding them of all the amazing things they’ve done and the wonderful qualities they possess. Make sure that they know that they are more than what others think of them.

Teaching Resilience

Resilience is the ability to keep going even when things get hard. The following are some things you can do to help your child become more resilient in situations when they get excluded:

  • Encourage them to communicate their emotions and share their experiences.
  • Assist them in identifying coping mechanisms that are effective for them, such as writing, deep breathing, or positive self-talk.
  • Teach them to treat themselves with kindness and compassion, just as they would a good friend.

Let your child know that feeling excluded or rejected is something everyone goes through at some point. You must teach your kids to capitalize on their skills and interests while also remaining open to new experiences and possibilities. Your children will learn how to cope with social exclusion, and they will emerge from the experience stronger and more resilient thanks to your support.

Preventive Measures

To ensure your child’s inclusion at school and foster positive friendships, here are some helpful tips for you to follow:

Promoting Inclusion at Home

Inclusion goes beyond mere acceptance; you must make sure that everyone feels valued, honored, and included. By teaching your family these values, you can give your child the tools they need to get along with others at school and make real ties with their peers. Here are some useful ideas to help your child succeed:

  • Talk to your kid about how important it is to be kind and respectful to other people.
  • Motivate your child to make friends with children who are not like them.
  • Demonstrate to others how to be open by being kind and respectful to everyone, no matter how they are different.
  • Remind your kid to stand up for other kids who are being picked on or ignored.

Encouraging Healthy Friendships

One effective strategy to support your child in avoiding exclusion at school is by promoting the development of healthy friendships. Parents should focus on helping their children develop positive relationships with their peers. Here are a few ways parents can do this:

healthy friendships
  1. Motivate your child to join clubs or do activities outside of school where they can meet new people who like the same things they do.
  2. Assist your kid in learning social skills like how to listen actively, show understanding, and solve problems.
  3. Encourage your kid to get their friends over for sleepovers or play dates.
  4. Keep an eye on your child’s friends and step in if you see any bad behavior or being left out.

To help your child avoid exclusion at school, it is important to promote inclusion within your home environment. Encourage your child to embrace diversity and treat others with kindness and respect. Additionally, support them in building healthy friendships by providing opportunities for social interaction and teaching them effective communication skills.

Got any comments, questions, or tips about what to say when your child is being excluded at school? Share them in the comments below.


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Bryn Todd

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